The Dying Orchestra

Do you feel it dwindling?

The torch once bright

The fire that was at the beginning too hot

The sky that was at one time full of beautiful twinkling stars

An orchestra that made undying music

A flower that boasted so much bloom

A champion that seemed quite undefeatable

A nation that felt unconquerable

A love unmovable

Do you feel it dwindling?

What remains is but a fraction

A shadow of it’s previous self

I feel it dwindle

Once so strong an emotion

So deep a thought

So soft a touch

The previously tempting smile no longer so bewitching

No more getting lost in those hazel brown eyes

Do you feel it dwindling?

Friend says it’s the course of nature

Friend suggested I may have to face new foes

Friend advises patience

Friend urges perseverance

Friend might be right

Do you feel it dwindling?

I feel it too but I’ll wait for the redemption of the once perfect orchestra

I’ll be here for the end of the winter time for more bloom

Will you let it go out?

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No…I haven’t changed

I couldn’t find the appropriate photo to feature so no judgment please. No apologies though, it’s Spongebob.

“You really have changed “, went the words of friend. At the time, I did not give it a moments thought but after resounding opinions of similar nature from other concerned parties I seemed to care what other people think of me.

That never happened before.

Not people worrying about my character…no. People have always been in my face with the ‘you’re merciless’, ‘how can you be so cold’, ‘you’re better than this’, ‘who hurt you’ shit.

The bunch of new concerns are more mushy, show admiration and are somewhat filled with praise. It might even be said that I’m being complimented for my personality.

Sure, I’ve been nicer to people, I’ve grown to be tolerant to whims and I’ve adopted a new method of leaving fond memories to acquaintances and someone even went the extra mile to say I’ve gone soft. That was funny and I laughed it off.

Just because I learnt to stomach the world’s stupidity doesn’t mean that I’m now a delicate and tender soul. As a matter of fact, I grew my new set of attributes because they help me better manoeuvre this life. I mean, nobody likes a brute.

So this isn’t a changed me. You might say I grew up-whatever that means. Call it an improvement of the crude version. @theemadnessmaker 2.0? I don’t really care, but the previous hard-knock life me still exists. He’s just not needed right now though he’s available. At my own discretion.

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Pretty Little Fears

I’m loving your light, vulnerable
Letting your guard down is honorable
‘Specially when the past ain’t been that friendly to you, but there’s magic in that
You the flower that I gotta protect
And keep alive in the wintertime, hey, don’t you die yet
You been way more than a friend of mine, we more like fam
I raised you, you raised me, let’s turn this whole life ’round
You can confide in me
I can take the weight up off your shoulder blades and try to store the pain inside of me
Like, why the world do you like that?
Like they don’t know you, God sent, but me, I view you like that
I’m sneaking glances, thanking God that he drew you like that
Beautiful black child, come and shed your black cloud
For your vibe and your smile I don’t mind a lil’ rain
I’m your dog, ears perk up at the sound of your name
Counting your main, wildfire, can’t handle your flame
Download your strain, wild high, come drown in your fragrance
You that red pill that a nigga found in Matrix
Before I had you this shit was fantasy
You plant a seed, it grows some roots, a branch and leaves
Becomes a tree of life until our nights are filled
With peace from stress and strife
And that’s the blessin’ that I get from wifing you
‘Cause you entrusted me with the key to your heartbeat, and you smart
‘Cause even though I need a new start
Due to my past transgressions you believed in me
I guess the light I see in you is what you see in me

J. Cole on 6lack’s album East Atlanta Love Letter
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What’s Your Fix?

Fun Fact – there are no wall clocks in Las Vegas casinos. Wonder why this is?

My best guess is that the casino owners try to maximize on their customers’ addiction by ‘allowing’ them an overstayed welcome considering how fast time moves when you’re doing something that you are absolutely fixated to, especially without the deterring factor of overspent time.

It’s not just gambling. When indulging in an activity you love, its quite difficult to notice the pace at which time move. An hour seems like a minute, a minute like a second and before you realize it the whole day is gone but you still wanna continue – talking from a gamer’s experience and perspective.

Sidebar: The real definition of a second is the duration that elapses while counting 9, 192, 631, 770 vibrations of Caesium – 133 atomic clock. I bet you didn’t know that. Its funny the type of stuff you can discover while aimlessly foraging the internet at 3 am in the morning.

One might say the Las Vegas casino owners are misleading their patron into spending more of their hard earned cash in their businesses. But then again, isn’t it a person’s choice what they do with their time and money. The ones who go into the casino doors by their own merit are3 to blame for any losses they incur whatsoever. They duped themselves into doing what they knew beforehand was a risk which is more destructive than productive. Be it wasted time, missed appointments or bankruptcy no one is to blame but the gamblers – they are the perpetrators of their own destruction.

Similarly, all of us are to blame for chances we’ve missed and money we’ve misused while delving into our own enslavement and all the while completely ignoring the logical options.

So what’s your fix?

What’s your cigarette?

What’s your casino?

How much does it take from you?

Next time don’t take that leap, don’t dip your fingers into the honey jar before you’ve thought it out because much like the casino tycoons, no one will warn or stop you. It could save your ass.

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The Lamentable Wait…

She walked into the crowds, got swallowed by the masses, disappeared into thin air. I stood there watching the empty space in front of me and thought of nothing else except of how I never felt so empty before. When I could no longer see the back of her bright red shirt, I began to replay sweet distant memories in my head.

Goodbyes have never been a personal favourite but this kind of void was a new type of disappointment. It felt so shuttering, just sheer devastation. There and then I thought of the things I did, the one’s I didn’t do and the one’s I could have done before this moment. The sun shone on her hair as she made the last corner and I could just remember how soft it felt on my chin as I hugged her short statured self, and the scent of her hair spray was just so lurid to me at that moment. For a minute it felt as if she was back in my arms, but dreams aren’t horses and I wouldn’t even afford them if they were.

She was gone, not conclusively. No. But she still felt distant. They say If you love it let it go… I’ll be here hoping she’ll be back before I weather under this rain. I’ll stand on this street and wait patiently, with unwaivering trust. It may be ill-advised and unwise, stupid even but it’ll give me a hint of bearing to my sentiment. And when I see that bright coloured shirt coming back to me I’ll feel accomplished.

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Motionless Emotion

I can’t keep up and am gutted
Am dyslexic to your movements
Feels like you’re mac 2 while am static
So lucid, crystal, candescent
How you seem to know your way around this maze
I just can’t figure anything out at this point, I need a lead
Trying to follow your path
But you leave just way too many footsteps
I might end up losing you on my endeavor to figure you out
Or might I get exhausted before that happens?
Will I even try to take on this beautiful challenge?
At this point neither of us has the slightest idea
I’m leaving it to my blistering feet to lead me on
Look at you hoping I play along and me doing my best to keep up
That, that is the interesting part though
But each maze has an end
Each puzzle it’s own solution
And when am rid of your labyrinth, I’m hoping we go through it again, together
So lure me into the pitch black cave I know nothing of
But stay conscious of my imminent improvement in this expedition
Because when I dare to pull a stunt,
When I no longer play by your rules,
When I’m all pro’d up and I begin to do super speeds,
When am able to keep up
You’ll be the most beautiful road kill ever darling

<theemadnessmaker>

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HEARTACHE.

In her eyes was a symbol of affection, in her touch was a feeling of warmth and her voice was a tool of convincing truth. She got to me faster than any other ever has.

She is one of those people that you don’t need to really live with for eternity to connect with. I was with her for 12 hours tops and now there is a certain space in my heart that needs refilling.

I feel an immense emptiness that makes me agonize over the fact that I might never see her again. For a moment I felt she was my kingdom come, my remedy. The worst part of this story is that she thought so too. The moment is lost and it’s probably never coming back. Sad.

Whoever said love conquers all should give me the solution to deal with my solitude, but I guess whoever they are, they’re dead and gone so am all alone on this.

Sometimes I think am being stupid fantasizing over her, but then again I think am losing my mind over her. Whichever it is I chose to think of her. The memories-lonely, lonely memories- bring me comfort.

I regret meeting her since I may never get to feel whatever it is I did again but I’m gratified for the acquaintance I realized how vulnerable I could be when it’s just the right person.

Mi momento de afecto.

<theemadnessmaker>

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